Monday, February 12, 2018

The Whatever Winter Olympics of Figure Skating in a City I Can't Possibly Spell

The biathlon is awesome. Probably my favorite Winter Olympic sport.

In America, we can't find two people who actually understand biathlon, so for the 7.5KM sprint, NBC finds a guy who understands the sport and pairs him with--a moron.

Here's how well that strategy worked.

ACTUAL BROADCAST TRANSCRIPT
Knowledgeable guy:
You can tell when he's getting tired because the kick out on his stroke gets choppy.

Moron:
GOLF

Knowledgeable guy.
(Surprisingly interesting technical comment. Nuance. A thoughtful perspective on the challenges of the sport.)

Moron:
GOLF GOLF GOLF COULDA WOULDA SHOULDA GOLF GOLF GOLF
(Moron)

Also, we were watching curling, and suddenly, I had a thought.

"Hey, do you think curling has THE HAMMER?" I asked.

Eli 16.6 burst out laughing.

"Oh man, I bet it does," he said.

"So every time you go curling," I said, "there's that one guy whose only objective is to knock all the rocks out of the circle with one shot, and he curls at 40 MPH."

"Curling is his winter sport when he's not bowling," Eli said.

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