Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Dig a Wooly Mammoth

I mentioned yesterday that Eli 4.4 received two Christmas gifts that deserved special mention.

Do they ever.

First is the Dig a Wooly Mammoth Skeleton kit. It sounds perfect for Eli 4.4--just check out the description:
Be a paleontologist. Dig and excavate the skeleton of the giant creature which roamed on Earth during the prehistoric Ice Age: the wooly mammoth.

Why, it comes with everything: plaster block, a "specially designed digging tool," a brush, and detailed digging and assembly instructions.

Um, plaster block?

Open up the package and there are two columns on the first page of the instructions: on the right side--instructions. On the left side--warnings.

WARNING
1. Do not place the material in mouth.
2. Do not inhale dust or powder.
...5. Do not pour powder down the sink as it may clog the drain.
6. Plaster may stain some clothing. Wear a working cloth or an apron before playing. Do not mix with other laundries.

Holy crap! Is this a children's project or do-it-yourself silicosis?

So here's what you get: a block of plaster that's a bit smaller than a brick. It's plaster, but it's the color of red clay. Oh, and that "specially designed digging tool"? It's a plastic knife. I guess it is specially designed, though, because it's kind of a crappy plastic knife.

Well, get to work, man!

Take that specially designed digging tool and start scraping plaster. Dig! Dig! Look out for those giant clouds of plaster dust. Can't see any fossils after a thousand scrapes? Keep scraping, man--this is real paleontology! Hands shaking, arms aching, twelve million scrapes later--I think I see the tip of a fossil.

Sixteen more to go.

Estimated time to completion: 5,000 hours.

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